Thinking Outside the Box

Mario R. Capecchi, Ph.D. was awarded the 2007 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine - the world's highest recognition for contributions to basic and clinical medical research, for work he completed back in 1989. Apparently this delay is common, there is a long list of potential winners, it's a tricky selection process since they do not award prizes to anyone after they've past away.

In an interview Dr. Capecchi describes his comfort zone as the point there science and science fiction intersect. This man spent his days working where few ever dare, risking his career he ignored the practical and broke down barriers making what was supposed to be impossible possible. Without his man who knows when we would have been able to map the human genome.

For me Dr. Capecchi is much more than some guy that won a prize for doing something I really don't understand, he is also a Ute. And winning such a prize as a Ute actually made me proud of whom I was. It also charged me with an energy and motivation to chase my dreams and look for ways to add my own luster. I'm not saying I'm setting out to win a Nobel Prize, but in this age of school shootings, genocide, and Paris Hilton, it's nice to learn something worth feeling good about. For that Dr. Capecchi, I thank you.

Dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask.

Anticipation

Growing up I never thought too much about where I'd go, what I'd do, or how I'd get there. I didn't really worry about those details; I just focused on what I was passionate about and knew I would end up happy. For the last year or so I seemed to have lost my compass and have been suffering from a serious lack of any real passion.

Not to say I haven’t had enjoyed my privileged existence, but I need to not be such a good sleeper. I can’t remember the last time I could not sleep or got up early looking forward to something I was doing. I am disturbed by this and have searched pretty deeply for some answers. It’s time I take the focus off myself and do something about it.

Knockout

You never expect the blow that floors you, for this very reason it is able to knock you right off your feet. We try to keep our guard up and defend ourselves in every way, but eventually we all fall. I believe once it happens to you, you’re never the same.

They say the best boxers are the ones that have never been knocked down. Once a fighter has fallen, they carry a fear with them and no longer take the risk necessary to become a champion.

I say the boxer that has never been knocked down has simply not challenged a worthy opponent and a large part of life is getting a taste of that cold hard matte. A true mark of a champion is not one without defeat, but one that knows the pains and sorrows of life well yet has the courage to face them time and time again.

A champion has to be able to take a good punch. - Muhammad Ali

If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive. - Josephine Hart

I don't like people who have never fallen or stumbled. Their virtue is lifeless and it isn't of much value. Life hasn't revealed its beauty to them. - Boris Pasternak

Thankful

The things I should probably be the most thankful for are the many things I don’t have that I don’t want. As I look at my life, there are just a couple things I have ever wanted that I have not received. Deep down I feel like I could still do anything, I just have to want it bad enough.

This privileged existence has been possible because I have been too naïve or stubborn to realize life doesn’t always workout the way you plan it, and the fact that there are few things I’ve wanted in life. I’ve been able to focus my feeble efforts on a select few areas and continued along said path until I got there.

In the end I guess life isn’t so confusing after all. We just need to figure out what we want, and decide not to give up until we get there.

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough. -Oprah

If you can't be content with what you have received, be thankful for what you have escaped.

Lost and Found

Of all the things I have, I value my relationships the most. I thought I lost my most valued and important relationship this weekend. My foundation was gone and for a short period I found myself completely lost. I felt the sort of emptiness you would not wish on your enemies. This sense of loss is comparable to losing a family member, but in some ways worse because it’s apart of me that seems to have died. Thinking is too hard to do, eating seems like a burden.

In the midst of this emptiness I reacted in a surprising way. Instead of doing what I normally do which is act according to how I feel, I ignored my feelings of self pity and did what I needed to do. I did not change any of my plans and just somehow found the strength to push forward.

My state of emptiness allowed me to really listen and take to heart the messages I heard this weekend. I was able to come to terms with my situation. Although I am still very sad and confused by the state of my most valued relationship, I find comfort in knowing it is not a loss. This change is one of progress, and however fearful I am of the likely result, I find joy in knowing my foundation was found instead of lost. My source of strength does not lie outside, but rather within. Something I know I will be able to hang on to.

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. - Norman Cousins

Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself.

True Faith

In all my past experiences I feel I have had either ignorance to the importance of my decision or an obvious witness to the correct path. I have had a great guidance that has lead me to where I am today. In truth, I have rarely had to exercise faith and thus far have lead a privileged existence.

Although I am able to attribute my general positive discourse and outgoing attitude to this, it has not exactly prepared me for what lies ahead. There is still a great distance in what I actually do compared to what I know I should do. These next few years are going to decide many joys and sorrows I will experience throughout my life. I have been able to get a taste of what true joy is and for the first time feel like it’s not down some distance road but right in front of me.

At times, I wish I could lose this awareness and go back to my youthful carefree approach to life. I realize this struggle that I am going through right now is my very purpose and my trials however simple have adequately prepared me for this next test. I guess the real question is do I have enough faith to close this distance that lies in me?

I have one life and one chance to make it count for something . . . I'm free to choose what that something is, and the something I've chosen is my faith. Now, my faith goes beyond theology and religion and requires considerable work and effort. My faith demands -- this is not optional -- my faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference. - Jimmy Carter

My Mask

Recently, I’ve run into a few old acquaintances. We go through the usual process and update each other; trying to sum up our lives in a few short minutes. It’s trivial and superficial, the kind of conversation which is more about waiting for your turn to speak rather than listening and really communicating. I never show my true self in these situations, just different masks I’ve picked up over the years. My degree, hobbies, or political views introduced with a clever punch line to appear witty and different is pretty much all you’ll get.

I’ve also had the unreal experience of getting to know one of my closest friends in a whole new way. In getting to know them, I’ve really had an opportunity to really get to know myself. I have been able to take off the masks that I thought I could never live without and really start accepting me for who I am. Exposing my inner most thoughts, dreams and fears is something I just don’t do – not even to myself. I have found there is however, something about the truth that simply sets you free. I’ve found a sense of peace and inner strength that I never thought possible.

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage." –Lao-Tzu

All packed

The past few months I’ve taken my fair share of trip or participated in events that require me to spend a night or more away from home. Each time I don't properly pack and without fail I leave something behind. In order to help correct my behavior, I do not allow myself to simply purchase the forgotten item, I force myself to go without and in doing so hope I will remember and correct this behavior.

This highlights how I view myself in many ways. I know I have everything I need in this life; sometimes I just leave some things behind and am forced to go without. In going through this process I learn. In this life we aren’t suppose to have it all, we’re suppose to leave something out, and in doing so we learn and grow.

A man’s ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would in deeded be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.
Not everything that counts can be counted and not everything that can be counted counts.
–Albert Einstein

Friendship

I’ve come to realize in a very real way recently that nothing is unrelated. No single person is ever really alone. Everyone’s actions no matter how insignificant can and does affect something else. Things were designed this way, the sooner we can give in to this, the better off we will all be.

The challenges we are given are suppose to be hard, so hard that we cannot possibly go it alone. The struggles and moments of weakness are really just opportunities of friendship - to build and forge strong relationships with others. Even when we think are, we are never alone.

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." -Henri Nouwen

Life of Running

This last weekend I had the opportunity to run 175 miles with 11 other people in the Wasatch Back Relay. It took us twenty-six and a half hours to cover this distance, averaging about a nine minute pace through high elevation, steep grades and extreme temperatures at both ends of the spectrum. Take all that and factor in very little sleep, and you have yourself a pretty interesting experiment.

Going into this relay I was only concerned about the three legs I was supposed to run. My total mileage was about 14 miles going up 2,000 ft in elevation. Since I had run a marathon a month earlier, I figure this wouldn’t be as tough so it would not be as rewarding.

For the four plus hours before I began running I had helped seven other runners along their legs, soon their pain became my pain. Once I was on the trail and my lungs started to burn and my legs began to cramp I felt a pressure I was not aware of. In all my other runs, I was doing it for myself – this time I had eleven other people depending on me, this was not just about me – I was not about to let them down.

At the end of it all, I had run less than three hours of our twenty six hour trek. My body was a little stiff, but not sore at all compared to a marathon. To my surprise this experience of participating as a team was more rewarding than the runs I had done alone. I think I can take this lesson and apply it to other aspects of my life. Many times I am reluctant to let people help me and go at many things alone. In reality I know I’ll be less tired and more rewarded if I just let some friends join me along the way.

Hungry?

It's funny how a little bit can really go a long way. The little insignificant things that we dwell on each day really do have lasting effects. I think this weekend when I cramped up on mile 17 - things really could have turned out badly. I could have ignored what my body was telling me and really put my health at risk, or I could have called in quits and walked off the course.

Neither option crossed my mind. Instead of ignoring the issue or looking for a short term solution, I just focused on the next step. I realized I needed to slow down, drink a lot of water and push on. After three miles I was able to get my legs back and finished strong. Any other day I might have gone with a different approach, but because of some people I saw along the course, I was able to keep my head in the right place. That alone, however insignificant, was enough to make all the difference.

An elder Cherokee chief took his grandchildren into the forest and sat them down and said to them, “A fight is going on inside me. This is a terrible fight and it is a fight between two wolves. One wolf is the wolf of fear, anger, arrogance and greed. The other wolf is the wolf of courage, kindness, humility and love.” The children were very quiet and listening to their grandfather with both their ears. He then said to them, “This same fight between the two wolves that is going on inside of me is going on inside of you, and inside every person.” They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked the chief, “Grandfather, which wolf will win the fight?” He said quietly, “The one you feed.”

Finding your pace

The first time I went to spinning I remember feeling like I had it all figured out. Spinning was supposed to simulate cycling which I do often enough, so I felt adequately prepared.

I adjusted the bike to match my road bike, and off we went. I enjoyed the upbeat music, felt comfortable and got my heart rate up in no time. Pretty soon the once loud music seemed to be drowned out compared to my racing heart. The instructor helped volumes by encouraging me to keep pace.

As I near the finish, I give it my all and use the little energy I have left to finish strong. I think to myself, I can get use to this spinning. Then it happens - the instructor yells out, “Warm up over, let’s pick it up.”

I am floored; I had saved nothing for the actual workout. I was so caught up in the details I forgot to look at the time and pace myself. At this point, all I could manage to do was smile.

I think this experience describes exactly where I am in my life right now.

Fresh

A few quotes to keep pace and stay on course - I haven't forgotten the goal I've set for myself earlier this year. It is our thoughts that have brought us where we are today, and it is in our power to direct where we are going.

There is something about this wonderful spring weather that makes me really appreciate this wonderful life, and our countless opportunities.

When I get home people 'll ask me, "Hey Hoot, why do you do it man? Why? You some war junkie?" You know what I'll say? I won't say a word. Why? They won't understand. They won't understand why we do it. They won't understand that it's about the men next to you, and that's it. That's all it is. -Black Hawk Down

Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves. -Hellen Keller

Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love. -Martin Luther King, Jr

A lot of people are waiting for Martin Luther King or Mahatma Gandhi to come back -- but they are gone. We are it. It is up to us. It is up to you. -Marian Wright Edelman

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

He who wishes to secure the good of others, has already secured his own. -Confucius

Out of Focus

I find it is really easy these days to get off course. In this so called information age, we have so much information that it clouds us from getting to the true knowledge I think we all seek. It takes a lot of energy for me to sort my many priorities and figure out what is really important and meaningful.

There are two things that I unconsciously do that I have recently become aware that are true measures of my focus. The first is if I don’t have my cell phone, I generally keep it close by in case of emergencies and if I’m not alone I will most likely not answer. Unless you happen to be my mother, she gets to interrupt me. I find it childish and rude those that seem to be somewhere else and constantly messaging or taking calls. The second is a rare luxury and that is when I don’t have my watch on and do not need to worry about what time it is. I think it’s important for all of us to figure out what it is we truly value and spend some quality time enjoying it.

For me this week it was a good friend getting married. It was an amazing day, filled with old friends, some new ones, coming together and celebrating one of the greaest joys in life. It was the kind of day that made me realize how out of focus some of my priorities are. The bride and groom have the kind of relationship that just doesn't exist anymore, the kind that this world needs more of. The greatest part was realizing that there are some things worth waiting for, and amongst this crazy string of seemingly unrelated insignificant events we call life - we can have things come into focus and there is a happily ever after, for all of us, even for me.

Two Questions

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

If we don't yet know about life, how can we be expected to deal with death?

Lost in Translation

I can’t help but feel we are wasting our greatest resource and getting further off the path by giving into technology. Instead of spending quality time with people and interacting with them live and in person; we call, email, instant message, text and blog. They are all poor substitutes and distract us from what’s really important.

Human communication is made up of everything from physiological changes, body language, voice inflections, speech, and much more that gets lost in the technology translation. So much of our communication is non-verbal, and text on a screen isn’t what I’m talking about. How many times have you known a good friend is having a bad day by their facial expressions, verse a text message they sent you?

I get about ten visitors to my blog a day. I have no idea by whom and they rarely leave comments. I get about five text messages a day, sadly I have started to reply to most of them. I have some friends that I email more than I see or even talk to, regretfully I can’t seem to hang on to them.

Sure with technology we can do more, but really what are we doing more of and at what cost? I find I spent far too little time face to face with the people I care about most and these substitute forms of communication are only distracting me from the quality interaction we all need - when it comes to communication, I‘m taking quality over quantity.

“The greatest danger isn’t that machines will begin to think like people, but that people will begin to think like machines”
“It is appallingly obvious our technology has exceeded our humanity.”

- Albert Einstein

Time did an article on this last month, I read it at the doc's office this afternoon.

Moments of Clarity

I recently read my journal from when I was an intern in DC. It's hard to imagine that this was nearly five years ago. This entry made me think about a talk I heard this weekend on seeing the end from the beginning. I think there have been a few times in my life where this has happened.

May 26, 2001

I'm in New York City, its 9:00 PM and I'm sitting alone in our hotel room watching commencement speeches. I can’t believe the time I’m having. Everyone is at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, but I was extremely tired and wanted some time alone (very rare). It has been good, I figured out a lot today. I have a feeling of peacefulness and happiness right now. I think about my future and wonder about the things, places, and people that I’ll be with. I realized my faith today, the faith I have within myself. I will succeed; I will get what I want. I just have to figure out what that is.

This city gives me the chills. I love and hate it all at the same time. New York City is life, it is in your face. It’s Broadway, big business, capitalism, crime, violence, compassion, and vision. I need to get dressed and go out, I’m in NYC and it’s time to stop being introspective.

End of the Beginning

I always imagined my life would have a clear beginning, middle and end – kind of like the 100 years song by Five for Fighting. After all there is supposed to be a time and a season for everything.

Eight years ago when I pledged to become a member of a fraternity, I was overwhelmed and didn’t know how to even begin to prioritizing my time. I had just moved out on my own for the first time, was taking a full load of school, worked thirty hours a week, and had added many responsibilities as a pledge.

The one thing I regret is I wish I would have gotten to know my big brother in the house. The countless times I turned him down for lunch, to go to a movie, or hangout late night because of a test or for work still haunt me to this day. I never took the time to really get to know him like I should have. I always thought maybe later when I’m not so busy, I’ll take some time and we could become close.

That time never came, he past away Halloween of 2002. Suddenly my priorities didn't make much sense, the time I spent studying or at work seemed trivial compared to what I gave up. I always knew looking back on tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs could make me cry.

My Personality

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have high extroversion.You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness.Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

Type B+

You're a pro at going with the flow. You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer. A total joy to be around, people crave your stability. While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity. Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done. You're passionate - just selective about your passions.

Experience

Sometimes I feel like I have gone through all this formal education just to be forced to unlearn it down the road. All throughout school we are given lessons first then the exams. We are then graded not by the lessons we may have learned but on just our exam performance.

In the real world, I find that very few things actually work this way. I think a majority of the time we are given the final exam up front. We must first struggle blindly before we can learn any sort of lesson. All this preparation was in vain, we have been conditioned to expect everything backwards. In life the score you get really doesn't matter compared to the lessons we may learn. When I thought I was getting schooled, turns out to be a long episode of punk'd.

I hope someone somewhere is at least getting a kick out of this, I know I would be.

"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see; you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too - even when you’re in the dark, even when you’re falling." – Mitch Albom