Lost and Found

Of all the things I have, I value my relationships the most. I thought I lost my most valued and important relationship this weekend. My foundation was gone and for a short period I found myself completely lost. I felt the sort of emptiness you would not wish on your enemies. This sense of loss is comparable to losing a family member, but in some ways worse because it’s apart of me that seems to have died. Thinking is too hard to do, eating seems like a burden.

In the midst of this emptiness I reacted in a surprising way. Instead of doing what I normally do which is act according to how I feel, I ignored my feelings of self pity and did what I needed to do. I did not change any of my plans and just somehow found the strength to push forward.

My state of emptiness allowed me to really listen and take to heart the messages I heard this weekend. I was able to come to terms with my situation. Although I am still very sad and confused by the state of my most valued relationship, I find comfort in knowing it is not a loss. This change is one of progress, and however fearful I am of the likely result, I find joy in knowing my foundation was found instead of lost. My source of strength does not lie outside, but rather within. Something I know I will be able to hang on to.

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. - Norman Cousins

Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself.