End of the Beginning

I always imagined my life would have a clear beginning, middle and end – kind of like the 100 years song by Five for Fighting. After all there is supposed to be a time and a season for everything.

Eight years ago when I pledged to become a member of a fraternity, I was overwhelmed and didn’t know how to even begin to prioritizing my time. I had just moved out on my own for the first time, was taking a full load of school, worked thirty hours a week, and had added many responsibilities as a pledge.

The one thing I regret is I wish I would have gotten to know my big brother in the house. The countless times I turned him down for lunch, to go to a movie, or hangout late night because of a test or for work still haunt me to this day. I never took the time to really get to know him like I should have. I always thought maybe later when I’m not so busy, I’ll take some time and we could become close.

That time never came, he past away Halloween of 2002. Suddenly my priorities didn't make much sense, the time I spent studying or at work seemed trivial compared to what I gave up. I always knew looking back on tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs could make me cry.

My Personality

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have high extroversion.You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness.Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

Type B+

You're a pro at going with the flow. You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer. A total joy to be around, people crave your stability. While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity. Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done. You're passionate - just selective about your passions.

Experience

Sometimes I feel like I have gone through all this formal education just to be forced to unlearn it down the road. All throughout school we are given lessons first then the exams. We are then graded not by the lessons we may have learned but on just our exam performance.

In the real world, I find that very few things actually work this way. I think a majority of the time we are given the final exam up front. We must first struggle blindly before we can learn any sort of lesson. All this preparation was in vain, we have been conditioned to expect everything backwards. In life the score you get really doesn't matter compared to the lessons we may learn. When I thought I was getting schooled, turns out to be a long episode of punk'd.

I hope someone somewhere is at least getting a kick out of this, I know I would be.

"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see; you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too - even when you’re in the dark, even when you’re falling." – Mitch Albom

The In Between

I will run over three hundred miles, over fifty hours, in training for my next marathon. Every step I take during this race I will have taken about 13 in preparation. Many times in my training I will question my ability to make rational decisions.

I picture my warm cozy bed, as I am half awake up a canyon on my only day to sleep in, lungs burning, legs heavy and spirits low – wondering how clinical I must be. I am putting myself through all this not for a chance at a win but a hope to finish about an hour and a half after the winner?

I still continue to run. I think I do so because I hope to prove to myself I still have it in me. When I run, it's not by thinking, or seeing, but by doing. The greatest part about the marathon is not just the glory of finishing, or knowing the pains I have caused my body for the past four hours (at my pace) will finally stop.

It’s much sweeter, the moment I realize for myself, that I have it in me. Crossing the finishline - those three hundred miles, fifty hours, and early mornings are no longer painful memories for they have served their purpose. They are now a source of strength, for me to draw upon in a time of need. When the next difficult challenge comes along, I’ll be able to go into it knowing, I have the fight to see it through.

What I hear, I forget. What I see, I remember. What I do, I understand. - Confucius

How much do you really want it?

You can measure how much you really want something by what you had to give up for it. Usually it’s measured in money, time or a combination of the two. What happens when you are asked to give up on a dream? I’d like to think I would never consider such an option; this coming year I have decided to answer this question for myself.

When Alex Smith was presented with a choice to go to Harvard or to sign on with a mediocre football team, Smith went with his dream. Against the wishes of his mother and seemingly everyone around him, he gave up his potential Ivy League education to sit on the bench of a losing football team. Fast-forward three years, Smith leads his non-BCS team to a BCS bowl going undefeated, is a Heisman finalist and goes number one in the NFL draft signing the most lucrative rookie contract in history.

The hardest part in these decisions is that you never know what you are really giving up. Doing nothing is sometimes better than trying to do everything. What’s the point if we don’t go after those things that we truely want? At least we’ll know whatever the outcome maybe, we fought for our dreams. No matter how hopeless or unreasonable our outlook can be going in, we can’t see the end from where we start. Who knows? With a little luck the outcome might be even better than ever thought possible.

The Formula

The greatest thing about money is the less of it you have the further you make it go. I think the same rings true about time.

I spent too much of my childhood putting things off; constantly in a state of fear of rejection, failure or making a mistake. A majority of the time, I ended up simply not making any sort of decision and kind of floated along taking whatever landed in my lap.

Today, I regret not taking more chances for even the worst failure is better than never trying. At times I also worry about over compensating for past mistakes and fear I could be becoming impulsive. Then I realize I need to get out of my head and thinking about all this is burning way too much valuable time, gotta love the irony.

I’ll get the formula right one of these days, but for now I’m enjoying the ride.

The Bank of Time

“Every morning we are credited with 86,400 seconds. Every night it rules off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to no good purpose. It carries over no balances. It allows no overdrafts. Each day it opens a new account with you. Each night it burns the records of the day. If you fail to use the day’s deposits the loss is yours, there is no going back. There is no drawing against the tomorrow. You must live in the present – on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success.”